what's what

repost from the daily roll call forum, just wanted to reinforce these feelings for myself, so i remember that THIS is the stuff i really have to work on....

my name, thedivinemsblue, is what my TAG (talented and glorious) teacher used to call me, maybe once or twice. it was something i wanted to be. it still is, that's why i use it.

i've been taking 200-300 (increasing over time) for the past five years. now, i'm not sure this has had any effect on me.

i hate myself and i want to die i hate myself and i want to die i hate myself and i want to die

wow, this is the third time my blog entry has been deleted over the last three weeks.

so. i'm not going to re-write the entire thing.

bleck, how do i write this stuff down, when it just keeps swirling in and out of my head? i can't catch it... what do i do? write it down while i can... i think, sometimes i think writing things down makes it worse.