I was trying to figure out today how to emancipate myself from a form of mental slavery while being forced to take neuroleptic drugs on court order and having injuries from too many drugs in the hospital, including some that I am allergic to (such as injected haldol).

I passed out from seroquel onto the floor and I am feeling the injuries today, maybe it is the weather and the cycles I am in, but I have a messed up hand, neck, arm, shoulder, back, knee and I am getting blood sugar attacks again.

I don't even feel safe writing my rants when I am on court order. My doctor reduced the meds a little. She is at least a meds minimalist. But I am entirely against forced treatment. I was too tired to contest this charge of being a danger to my self. The hospital was more dangerous to me, being injected with medications that should have been in my records that I am allergic to. Also seroquel did a number on me and I would pass out on it.

I have been re-orienting myself and have not had xrays yet. The neck injury is an older one too from falling on my head sleepwalking on abilify. It is the lesser of evils for me tho. I never sleepwalked before abilify. Now my fibromyalgia, etc. and weird hormonal imbalance, and possibly the thyroid are all acting up again full force. Some times of day I can get around the pain somehow...but it just is one of those days...

Although I have had visionary states all my life, the most intense trip outs for me have been associated with ssri and benzo withdrawals. Ten years ago my hospitalization involved ssri withdrawal. This time, I was off most meds except klonopin and doing natural meds and while I don't ever quite fit into this society much, I was managing and I feel healing a lot in the body. Then I somehow had some klonopin issue, ran out or I was trying to switch temporarily to xanax til I was ready to withdraw slowly from yet another med (effexor took two years to do it safely, abilifry took a little less time)...and well, I had an extreme state possibly triggered by this withdrawal syndrome stuff again. it is under reported and they will always call it decompensation and say that is a reason why you need the meds. I could have used some snake root tea too. Yes I do have other ways of perceiving reality and or realities, but it is manageable without meds, and had been, even my moods and I was getting by with the amino acids, fish oil and rhodiola rosea. Oh well. I am just mad because it can take years and years before I would feel in a space where I would be ready to taper off another medication again. Meanwhile they fuck my body up. Everyone just goes, oh that is just how it goes...yeah that is how it goes...

Some anger is appropriate, some moods are appropriate. Positive mental attitude does not mean denying your emotions that are appropriate responses to unjust situations. But once you get the mental this and that label any kind of emotion may be seen as a symptom. I fell again from collapsing. I don't know if it is abilify or what. That was a little while ago. I have a hard time verbalizing all this to the doctor. She is not so bad, it just is the system and it drives me mad to have to be a part of it. To me it is like part of an old empire on its way to fade out. I am sorry but big pharma profits are not something I like possibly shortening my life for.

Anyways, this Bob Marley helps me a lot:

www.youtube.com/watch

medicine. can rise above somehow anyways. just have some hard times sometimes.

thanks Cyborgus1969 for this video. Thanks Bob Marley and loved ones.

Lyrics:

Old pirates, yes, they rob I;
Sold I to the merchant ships,
Minutes after they took I
From the bottomless pit.
But my hand was made strong
By the hand of the Almighty.
We forward in this generation
Triumphantly.
Won't you help to sing
Another song of freedom
'Cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs,
Redemption songs.

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
None of them can stop e the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look?
Some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfill the Book.

Won't you help to sing
Another song of freedom
'Cause all I ever have:
Yej
Redemption songs,
Redemption songs,

Sing on with me children! In everyday now, in everyway, in everyday now in everyway. Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
A none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look?
some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfill the book.
Won't you help to sing
Another song of free man
'Cause all I ever had:
Redemption songs
Redemption songs:
Sing on with me children!
In everyway now
In every day
In everyway now
In every day.