(note, in classic computer form, all this just accidentally got erased)

I don't know that I've known myself to be a member of anything for one minute 16 seconds, but as the clicks clack, that's the last I heard about my being here.

I'm glad to be here, whether or not anyone else is witnessing me. A gift in the flash form of catastrophe last fall lets me say "I" without external validation (oh she yearns for it still, but in a fad form, the same way she wants sugar-pop sweets, but spits them out once they are in her mouth)

Thank you for stories- they come to me as my pen crosses the lines (and not always the 't's, making 'l's appear, turing my foot to a fool, or hurt into hurl) each morning when I write.

Here is one I just found from July 2 of last year:

There was a llittle girl named Betty who said, "I know there's a well, I'm going to find it." And so she begaon to look. First she went to the bird, who flew far and wide. Bird said, "Nope no well oh well" and chattered on and on to himself, making not much sense, or a sense only he could sense. Bird was very busy, too busy to be too busy, so he was alwyas giving advice and opinions on things he was too busy to notice he was too busy to know anything about! Betty got a little discouraged for a while, and sat down with a flounce. Eventually she decided she liked believing there was a well more than thinking there wasn't one, even though looking for it was... well, it was work. But it takes a lot of effort to be convinced something beautiful doesn't exist, too!

So Betty went off again, this time she asked the snail: "Snail, where is the well?" "I dunno, I'm too low" said Snail. "I'm sorry," said Betty. "I don't understand." "TOO LOW!" bellowed the snail in the largest bellow a snail can muster. Snail had decided long ago that she was short and small, and that all interesting things were tall and big. So she always stayed on the ground, even though she was perfectly capable of climbing very high (and in fact used to ascend to great heights before she decided she couldn't) Before Betty could ask again, Snail slid off, mumbling "too low, I dunno, slow slow, dumbee-doh, I dunno, dunno, no do, no know..." This time Betty didn't feel discouraged because it was perfectly clear to her that if Snail stopped seeing that she was low she'd get to see other things. Betty thought of catching up with Snail and placing her on a high legde, just to show her- but knew this would distract her from her own search for the well. And anyway, Snail wouldn't allow for acccomplishment- she'd give all the credit to Betty instead, who didn't want credit or debt.

Next, Betty found a dog. She asked, "Dog, where is the well?" Dog, who was smart enough to know what he didn't know when he saw it asked, "What is a well?" Betty was so surprised she looked both ways to see if Dog might be talking to someone else. He wasn't. Then Betty realized she wasn't quite sure what the well was, or what it looked like, and told Dog as much. "Well," said Dog, who gave a little chuckle at the pun, "That's the first place to look. What do you see?" Betty thought this was very impractical, certainly you had to know what you were looking for before you started looking, not decide what it is midway- and she realized she was already midway, and already didn't know, so the best thing she could do was start where she was. "It's deep." she said, "And it connects to all the water that has ever existed." "Hmm." said Dog. He said again, "Hmmmmmmhmm" and chased his tail a bit. "Hmhmhm hmm hmmm hm hm" and he began to bury a bone, scratching at the surface of the earth, then getting deeper huhrmph hmuphaaHAHA!" "A-ha! I've got it, dog-got-it!" he exclaimed. "You have to dig!"