yesterday, i threw a big thanksgiving party for all my "friends" here in canada. mainly it was a party to win friends an influence people. it was really really fun. i made excellent food. herb stuffed maple glazed turkey, all homemade stuffing, greenbean casserole (the canadians had never had it! i'm not a big fan, but they loved it), butternut squash and sage lasagna, and mashed taters. it was great. i love making food and making people smile.

BUT,

i'm recalling what inel echoed here, that the body doesn't lie.... and mine doesn't. i'm 230 pounds now. i overeat so much now. it's gotten really ridiculous. i'm thinking it's a combination of two things, eating to cover endless wells of anger, and some anxiety or attention issues leading me back to repetitive behaviors....

anyway, i'm not an alcoholic, i used to drink a lot and then i stopped to be healthier, but people that drink a lot really piss me off, why doesn't that "show" on your body like food addiction? hey, guess what, it's another thing to add to my endless well of anger!

oh, and the psych that i'm seeing, whom i have mixed feelings about, but generally has been helping me a lot, is leaving her rounds in three weeks, yay teaching hospital! so that's a bit scary, actually, it's easy to quit seeing someone right now, and she's just sort of dropping me... "well, we should probably get started on the lamictal decrease, see what happens before i leave..." WTF?!

oh, here come the water works. gotta love therapy.

endless wells of anger.