I've spent the day in my room and cannot think about going to class tomorrow. I don't get it, I haven't be happy yet, I haven't been really happy, so how can I be getting depressed already?

I am apparently a complete stranger to her now. It is extraordinarily painful. But now I am disappointed and hurt enough for detachment. It's funny how sometimes you need the other to hurt you just a little more to be able to let go finally. I am so angry and sad.  But still, in a very strange way, these horrible days without her are better, in a sense, than the best days around her; since now I am not waiting, or wanting. It's a different kind of pain.

What is going on in this community is so disappointing. We had such high hopes about what it would be and I find myself more disullusioned every day. The radical elements are being choked out under the banner of necessity, and now we're all potentially toxic again. All students are on the brink of breakdown and no one really cares because we're not indispensable. If no agreement in principle comes by december, then the rumor is that it's over. I can't believe we're in exactly the same situation as last year! Except without the Caf.

This is untenable. I feel sick, depressed, lonely, ugly, I don't know why I'm here and I'm afraid this will trigger a down phase.

I am way stronger than I can imagine. I need to remember that. I am way stronger than I know.