In a bad space. Wish everyone would just go away. Hates life.

I made it to the doctor about 45 mins late. I just couldn't get myself up to tell you the truth.

Anyway when I got there they understood and said my labs came back fairly good. Vitamin D deficiency and not enough body fat. But the protein was good and stuff and i wasn't anemic. It's cause I alway try to take really good care of myself physically because I know I need all the help I can get emotionally. So I eat really healthily. If I could just eat a little more I would be good. My weight is down a bit more which means my other stuff won't stay good for long. But for now it's ok.

Basically since my bloodwork can't acocunt for the level of severity of depression, they think my nervous system is fucked which is exactly what my mother told me. She thinks I'm fucked up. And the doctors pretty much confirmed it. So I just sort of went away fromeveryone and decided I would just give up. I have no reason to be as fucked up as I am, And I basically caused all these problems growing up. So I just kinda gave up on ever sustaining healthy relationships now and just kinda shut people out, well I guess there is only one person left, but you know what I mean...

I just feel really angry and bitter and just would rather keep to myself.