i've been taking 200-300 (increasing over time) for the past five years. now, i'm not sure this has had any effect on me. i'm pretty sure i'm med-resistant in the general meaning of the term. but i have heard that lamictal can be very very bad, fogs you up quite a bit. i have no extreme side effects from the lamictal, but i don't believe that it is acting as a placebo, so what are the side effects that i have? i don't know. too many years on meds, and my side effects have now become personality traits.

so no wonder why my psych thinks i am borderline. i have no identity anymore, the meds took it away, and only now, only now that i am almost through my effexor withdrawal, am i able to see that. i hope that i can stabilize at 0mg of effexor in two weeks, and then start to peel back the layers of lamictal fog that are clouding my so-called "bordeline" personality.

i'm concerned that we all have been on so many meds. i don't feel like they've improved my quality of life, even if they got me out of some terrible depressions, or coaxed me out of some hypomania. i used to use this site to get help about meds, what i should expect etc. now, i want to use this site to advocate for everyone to question their use of meds at all.  look, i know the hospital sucks, but i'd rather end up there for a weekend, than spend another five years medded into a dull shadow of my former self.

this is the anger i have been dealing with. how do you heal anger about time? people on here said that they love being angry, that anger helps them get things done etc. i should have said that the type of anger i'm dealing with is over ten years of treading water through the mental "health" system, and five years on the WRONG meds. this is not anger i guess, it's more resentment, rage. it's deep and even writing this makes my breath quicken and my stomach tighten.