I had a vision in my mind in meditation class. I was repeating the word "energy" in the phrasing i had been told to repeat to myself. Then with my eyes closed I saw the sun...huge and burning and exploding and orange and red.....my vision then went through the sun and out the other side and then i could see earth from a distance. It was beautiful and it took my breath away. I was delighted with this and told the class.

This reminds me of during my first psychotic depression-in an episode i had an INCREDIBLE out of body experience. I was in a lot of pain and bed ridden...persecution from god and being hunted by an evil murderer/s (that attacks you and sits on a rocking chair by your bedside with a knife) can FEEL crippling and actually stop you from being able to move. well, i was going through all this and having back flashes of things i had blocked out (i was really threatened when i remembered the things that had happened to me) and also hearing voices and having sensations of rape and a CRAZY feeling of disgust in my stomach that was tearing me apart (it was weird, like g forces) and hearing things on the roof (telling myself i am not crazy) and wanting to cut myself again and again and having delusions and just basically feeling evil all around me and like i was on the brink of being slaughtered( i thought i was in a snuff movie) and thinking the whole world was full of crime, war and meaninglessness and violence ...then i closed my eyes on my bed and thought to my father. who is like a black hole and is so successful. a physicist,lecturer, professor at a young age...and i wondered like i did when i was a kid what it would be like to think like him...i imagined that (and i really struggled to think like this) there was a small hole to the universe in the blue sky that was black and lit up with stars. i imagined thats what he had in his mind if he meditated on it. Then i kind of reached up and i flew through this hole into space and i was traveling extremely fast. OMG i cant describe the sensations of being light years away from earth and feeling like i am moving in space. I COULD FEEL IT vividly. The craziest thing was seeing up close all these beautiful super novas and stars and galaxies... i was so moved...i had never seen anything so beautiful and i felt like crying. then i opened my eyes up and had what was like a small heart attack, my heart and left arm hurt and then i went catatonic for a few hours....i remember before passing out whilst keeping my eyes open that i wish i had killed myself before i had gotten to the point of seeing what i had seen and heard at that stage...and i cant remember what it was that made me feel that way.

oh thats all from me at this point.

i really block out alot of memories.