I was touched on the bus today. This stranger came and sat next to me singing to me it creeped me out but I thought he was a harmless drunk. If I ignored him he would go away. I looked away out the window and the man reached into my crotch and stuck his fingers in me. Outside my jeans. He didn't get very far. The second I felt his fingers there, I deflected his arms slamming him against the wall and screaming at him to "fucking keeps his hands off me!" I was screaming so loud people looked back. But the bus driver didn't even stop the bus. And no one asked if I was ok or anything. I can't believe he was so quicj to get his hand there and I didn't even know, because I turned away from him and ignored him. He trapped me in that seat by the window where I couldn't get out. I didn't think he'd fucking molest me. I just thought he was a crazy person singing to me. I come across so many harmless psychotics, or drunk people. Most of them homeless. I've been homeless before. I've been in the psych ward too many times to count. I am desensitized to odd behavior. I don't judge. And I have never been hurt by any of them before. They are just fun or frightened. I saw him again as I was crossing the street last night coming back from class. He was crossing the street the other way. He looked at me and said Hi, what;s up? Like he didn't register. When I pushed him away too and nearlyhad him in a restraint, he didn't register that either. Like he was somehow mentally impaired. Flat affect. No response. It was the strangest thing. If someone yelled at me like that, I would have startled so hard. But it;s like he didn't know it was wrong or something because he didn't use force after I deflected his hand. He reached it under my leg, cause the bus jostled so I was half standing at that point trying to get away from him and he reached under my leg in between right where my vagina was and tried to stick his fingers in me. When I felt his hand there I freaked. I would have killed him. It all happened so fast.

I felt so dirty. And why did I try to ignore him? Why didn't I just get up and force my way out of the seat? Why didn't I tell him to get away instead of just moved away from him. I just laughed. I thought he was crazy. Not a pervert. There were other guys around, like maybe he was dared to do it by a friend or something because when I screamed at him, none of those guys around did anything either. They didn't look at me. Nothing. It seemed they must have been in on it. And it is hard to say whether they were targeting kids or adults because I am in my 20's but still look very young and am very petite. I look like a kid.

Anyway....I am glad this nightmare is over. But I couldn't sleep last night and I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight either.