We had so much fun driving around in his new car after eating. School has started again so that means the leaves are falling, covering the roads with so many pretty colors I can’t tell where the road ends and the trees start. My favorite is Sprigs Road because the trees wrap over the entire road so it looks like a tunnel that can take us away to somewhere else.

 

The sun is starting to set and now the sky is turning the same colors as the trees. We have school tomorrow and need to start heading home.

 

I don’t want to go back. Can’t we keep driving a little longer?

 

The deafening silence starts to grow as we get closer to home. We both feel it coming and know that nothing we say will change anything, so we sit together in silence listening to the engine rev up and down as each turn brings us closer to home. By the time we park I swear I can hear his heart beating as fast and as loud as my own. I feel like one of those bad men in the scary movies Larry makes us watch that are in jail and walking to a room to be killed. I wish it was that easy. At least they don’t have to feel like this anymore. I walk carefully behind him on our way to the front door. Maybe if I’m quiet enough nobody will notice me and I’ll be safe for tonight.

 

We can feel the weight of the air before we even open the door. The house is frighteningly silent. Too silent. That’s always a bad thing because then we don’t know how to stay away from the danger. With a final look at me Dave turns the key and we walk though the door, braced and ready for the unknown in front of us.

 

Hmm, Mommy is asleep at the bottom of the stairs and I can’t hear the TV so maybe Larry is not here. But why did she lay down there to go to sleep?

 

No, something is not right. Something is very not right! I quickly scan the room to figure out where the danger is so I can figure out how to stay away. I see red wine stains trailing up the full length of the stairs.

 

I exhale. That means Larry is already in bed for the night and the house is safe, so long as I don’t make any sound. But why is mommy sleeping at the bottom of the stairs?

 

Then I see a huge dent in the wall next to her head. Another look at the stairs and I see carpet scuffs on the edge of each step all the way from the top. Now I know what happened. Larry threw Mommy down the stairs again.

 

Dave is way ahead of me; he is already trying to wake Mommy up. I wish I was as brave as him. I’m not though. I’m stupid and weak and useless. Just a pathetic little cry baby who can’t do anything. I should be better at taking care of Mommy like he is. Dave is still trying to wake Mommy up but she won’t wake up. The fear in his voice instantly tells me what we need to; damage control.

 

“Help me get her to my car. We need to get her to the hospital.”

 

I struggle to help my brother carry Mommy to his car. We strap her in the front seat, I dive into the back, and off we go. Please don’t die Mommy! Please don’t leave me! I feel so scared my head is spinning in circles and everything seems blurry. I don’t want any of this to be happening! I wish I was back hiding in my room playing with my legos again. None of this is real when I’m playing with my legos and I can feel happy searching for that perfect piece I need to build my world.

 

Mommy starts to move. Maybe she’ll be okay! Maybe the hospital people will be able to make her better and I can sit in her lap when we get home. “Mommy! What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

 

“Where are we? What’s going on?”

 

“You have a huge lump on your head Mom and I’m driving you to the hospital.”

 

“No, stop this car! You’re NOT taking me to the hospital. They’ll ask questions and Larry will get really mad at me. Stop this car right now!”

 

Dave keeps on driving. Now Mommy starts screaming and I start to cry. All I can think about is how much I wish I was under my bed right now. Nobody can ever find me when I crawl into the bottom of my bed and breath really quiet. That’s the one place I can trust and that is where I want to be right now. No, I can’t! I need to help take care of mommy!

 

“If you don’t stop this car right now I’m gonna jump out!” Mommy starts trying to open the door as we drive down the highway.

 

“Brad, hold the door closed! Don’t let her get out!”

 

My arms are so short I can’t reach the handle but I see that I can reach the lock. So, I hold the lock down as hard as I can and hide behind the seat so Mommy can’t see what I’m doing. I’m helping! I’m doing good, just as my brother told me to! That thought gives me strength and I push the lock down even harder. The lock is the only thing that exists to me right now and my life depends on me keeping it pressed down so Mommy won’t leave us. My mind has turned off now and I can’t think or feel anything; I like when this happens because then I don’t hurt anymore.

 

We get home and I stay next glued to my brother’s leg. The world always seems better somehow when I am next to him. My mind has turned off and I can’t think or feel anything; I like when this happens because then I don’t hurt anymore. Dave tells me to get the phone while he tries to get Mommy to lie down on the couch. I silently run over and bring the phone to him, getting back to him as fast as I can in case the noise we are making brings the monster out of his lair. Dave dials 911 then tells someone that Mommy fell down the stairs and we need help. I hear the man on the other end of the phone; he is not happy with us. We must have done something wrong again.

 

“I see that we’ve been there quite a few times. Are you SURE you need us to come out there AGAIN?”

 

“Yes I’m sure! My mom has a huge lump on her head and is barely conscious!”

 

Long extremely annoyed sigh “Okay. We’ll send someone over. You really need to stop calling us all the time.”

 

I still can’t think or feel anything so I just stick to my brother’s leg while Mommy sleeps and we sit there waiting. Eventually the people in uniforms and bright lights on their cars show up. My brother is so brave – right away he tells them that Larry pushed her down the stairs again and she needs help. The people in white shirts go over to mommy while the people in blue shirts go upstairs.

 

Uhh ohh. They are going to wake up the monster! Now I can suddenly feel again and the only thing I feel is total panic. I think something just sucked all the blood out of me. I need to hide NOW! One look from my brother tells me it is okay so I disappear. I run to my room, dive under my bed, and crawl up into the wooden frame under my mattress.

 

BANG BANG BANG BANG “Sir, are you in there?”

 

Ohh shit, ohh shit, ohh shit! What the hell are they doing??? Don’t they know they’re going to get hurt??? I stay as still as a corpse and try as hard as I can to not breathe.

 

I can hear the monster talking in his drunk voice. “I don’t know what the hell you are talking about! I’ve been in bed all night trying to get some god damned sleep so why the fuck are you bothering me when I have to get up at 5am to go to work!” 

 

“Sorry sir. We’ll leave you alone now and make sure things stay quiet down there.”

 

I hear the door to Larrys room close and the people walk downstairs. I can’t move yet but at least it is safe to breath now. I hear the people tell my brother that Mommy must have fallen on her own and we really need to stop wasting their time by calling them. Everyone leaves and the house falls silent again.

 

After a long time I hear someone enter my room. Ohh no, I must have fallen asleep! Who is it? Who who who???? I hear my brother’s voice whisper “spare?” Ohh thank god! It’s not the monster but rather my brother! Everything is always better when my brother is around. I feel safe with him because he stands up to the monster and lets me disappear. I crawl out from under my bed and we both climb into the big bed in the spare bed room. We stay up all night whispering to each about anything and everything we can think of to keep ourselves awake, hoping that if we stay up long enough tomorrow will never come. The monster will not come out of his lair again tonight, but tomorrow we’ll pay for this. We were bad again, and Larry does not like it when we’re bad.