The Ordeal

Before you even read another word of this, please take a moment to Thank Your Lucky Stars. Whatever stars they may be; thank them twice. Because even if the Great Star of Love always shines in the morning or evening sky someplace in your heart in every little moment, there are others that you take for granted. Billions more. How could you not? There are so many. Yet disappear, or seem to, in the broad gray light of rush hour mornings and the pinkish preponderance of a tinned meat-dream. Yeah, that's right.

Spam.

Having gone in voluntarily, I've just spent 6 days locked in a small wing of an airless building, fifth floor of St. Joe's Hospital, psych ward. struggling to keep my eyes open. Literally as well as figuratively. Almost a week without one single breath of fresh air, even the crack of a window. In the North Wing (where one waits for a bed in the more therapeutic- meaning classes in 'Cognitive Behavioral Therapy' mostly- South Wing) there was almost nothing to do. People smoked and just lay on their beds, or stared at the t.v., or chatted or paced around. Like an airport waiting room, except heavily drugged. Once a day we'd have a class where we made Christmas cards, cutting up other cards to make our own. I did get into the colored pencils; thankful for that.

I loved many of the people, who I'll mention tomorrow. But otherwise, it was hell for me. Prison, really. Doors were locked, and to leave without a doctor's permission, I'd have to wait 72 hours if he called that shot. So to speak. And remember- the dude has spent, like, 10 minutes getting to know you.

A scrabble set with pieces gone; a newspaper. No way to exercise. The staff, a good one by and large, was busy- I'd estimate that in my four days there I spent a total of an hour one on one with either a doctor or a social worker. Meanwhile, 95 percent or so of the 16 folks there were on the same drug, Depakote, regardless of diagnosis. What, did they get a really good deal with Pfizer??? I kept looking for the Miller Lite truck outside with Pfizer written on it instead, rolling in those kegs of Depakote. It does keep 'em quiet, and I'll attest to that- I couldn't even read I was so groggy, and still am, most of the day.

I'll write more on this later.

But for now- ah, the contrasts of this world. I spent 3 months (and largely my whole life) tuning into the flow of nature, the powers and spirits of the World. On my own, not in great health to say the least, and I grew unbalanced, too chaotic, overly excited by what I found there.

What I found there was real. I'm not delusional; I just have a 'non-specific mood disorder', according to the 'experts'. Canary in the coal mine. I mean, really, look around at most so-called 'healthy' people these days. Out of touch with our bodies, the earth, spirit. Huge numbers of kids- and climbing- are on psychiatric drugs. Are we really doing anything to cut carbon emissions in our individual lives? Or are we too addicted to "¦"¦"¦"¦(fill in the blank) to even really notice much?

Now that's crazy.

So, I thought I'd try the Best of the West. Go all the way in there, since I'd gone a good ways out there.

And People: psychiatric western medicine is a tool in the belt. A worthy tool. Saved lives and saves them yet. I'm not against this approach; just it's abuse, the narrowness of it's concern. It's arrogance. It's ignorance, reductionism. The interests behind the approach.

There are no villians here; these were good people doing their job and wanting to help, for the most part. Yet the Pharma-Industrial Complex, as I call it, is a beast that needs meat, and lots of it. A lot of rich people wanting to get paid.

If you're in an acute stage of crisis, psychosis, if you have a gun to your head, they will help you. Western medicine shines there, a Star in it's own Sky.

Otherwise, Caveat Emptor!