So, things are going alright I guess. I don't have many complaints except for therapy. Our relationship feels creepy to me. Vouyeristic creepy. Anyone who knows me knows I can talk about myself. At times I can be very vivacious and talkative. Like hello-mania! But when I don't feel safe, nothing clams me up faster. So I don't say much. I was pretty shut down when I first met her. But I did take some risks and talk to her. The responses I have gotten have been less than helpful. They have effectively served to shut me down. Therapy is supposed to help open me up, not shut me down further. And my relationship with her is non existent. Since I feel therapy IS the relationship.....it seems I have no further business with her. I did feel it needed a discussion. So I sent out a request via email to talk about our relationship. We'll see what happens from there. She seems to feel because I am having a difficult time with it that it is precisely what I need. I am not entirely sold on that idea. She is getting something out of keeping me in therapy. So she could easily prolong it when really it isn't helpful for me. (At least not with her specifically...) I am not necessarily saying that  she isn't right. But I think it is careful to explore these things as objectively as possible and not automatically take someone's word for it, specifically when that person does profit from keeping me there. Or has something to lose from letting me go. And it isn't just the money either. It's a professional blow for her to admit that she isn't right for me. And maybe that isn't what is important to her. But the whole point is I don't trust her. I don't have a relationship with her where there is mutual trust. So this is no exception. Blind trust isn't healthy. So we'll see what she has to say and what my hunch is if we can form a relationship that will be therapeutic. I guess I don't feel particularly attached to continuing especially if there isn't going to be any change. Paying that money and not having any change is pointless. I do believe that it isn't possible to form that sort of a relationship with everyone. So maybe this just isn't right. We'll see. I figure if that is the most of my problems that is good. I feel lonely and am very isolated, but I'm used to that. So it isn't a real problem. So things are going really well in that regard.