I guess I am lonely and trying to feel good about myself when I don't have a mirror to reflect my worth to me and it gets hard being my own cheerleader day after day.  I hate how insecure I have become, how I doubt my worth now, how I think no one wants to know my reality or truths.  How I feel like no one understands.  I cannot go back to acting like I don't know what is in the world under the manic panic hair dye and punk LPs and hash - and I don't want to.  But I feel very isolated.  I know I bring down the party, but the party feels like a nightmare to me.