I dont know....it seems like the only thing that brings me happiness is planning ahead.

I need goals at the moment. well i have goals, but i know i really need these goals.

I think if you are mindful then planning ahead and looking at the future isnt the brightest thing to do. Mindfulness is all about being in the now. However i dont achieve this....except for in some meditation months ago.

 Today I went to a new group called "beliefs group" for two hours and then had an injection of 250 zuclopenthixol.

I had hoped for more than 3 other people to turn up at group but that was ok.

 I was told in therapy that many mentally ill patients have a tendency to becoming perfectionists when it comes to dealing with their recovery.

I used to keep charts about my sleeping times, all the drugs i was taking, how many etc and my suicidal mood and general notes of the day and what i ate and which health pills i had taken.

when i was first psychotically depressive i read and researched a lot on the internet. I was hearing many persecutory voices at once and suicidal and completely insane and harming myself....i even lost control of my arm and wanted to stab myself in the stomach. I struggled against that and everything else and copied a lot of notes of Thomas S Szasz (the myth of mental illness, the case against psychiatric coercion etc etc), The verdict of the foucault tribunal, David Healy etc. It was as though i was leaving a message to myself at the time for my future, because it was definite psychiatric services would get involved. It was scary. My brother is also mentally ill who i have supported for many years and his experience made me weary of psychiatric services.

 I am new to icarus. I have been a psychotic depressive for 5 years. I also had a year or more of constant headaches and migraines due to a head injury i have had since i was 17, I am 30 now. That was the catalyst for my mental illness. I found this website through a dating website. I was too unwell at the time to join and the dating thing went terribly wrong too.