I feel very bad for all this. Why do I get to have better psychiatric treatment than someone else? Why do I get to have AC when others don't? Why do I get to have health insursance? Why do I get a home?

I feel like if I get better and if I became happy, I am abandoning all beings that suffer right now. I need to keep all our stories in my head, so no one is abandoned and forgotten the way I was. If I do something frivolous like art or watch a movie, I am a bad person for not being the witness of all the suffering in the world.
 

surviving the chain saw and remembering how to love