And no matter what it was like before...I have changed me forevery. No matter what may happen in the future...it is all changed and will be changed and I may never react in extreme's again because of the actions I have taken.

I remember once I was wondering which me was me- the mania, the hypomania, the depression or the elusive stable me. I wanted to find a book then that taught you how to have bipolar in a stable world. But now everything has calmed down in the after life. Nothing was over the top anymore. The volume dial was just turned down to a manageable level. And I didn't lose myself in the end. I would say that instead, I found myself.

Maybe it's when you have nothing left to live for that you are finally free to do anything.

I always wondered was, what happens after? What happens after you stop being admitted to psych wards, or end your years of therapy and how you grow up after being abused. They go through that hell and then BAM! They are older and wiser and living the good life? What is it like then? What do they say to people when they ask about gaps in employment or why you have so many scars on your arms? What do they say when people ask, why did you move out here, when the truth is that you moved to out run your ghosts and start somewhere new where people don't know your name or where you came from. What happens when your mental health is no longer the focus of your life, but in the background and just in your past. I just want to know what happens after. Why? Because I now find myself in that after kind of place. And it's not like the famous people who write books. They went through some great personal tragedy and was able to write about it and either became famous as a result or were already famous and just came out of the closet so to speak. You hear about them winning awards and being featured on the TV movie of the week and they have all this glitz and glam to go with their once troubled life. But what happens in the after to the regular joe schmoe on the street who was released from a mental hospital for the last time in their life and suddenly they find themselves in this whole new world where everything is different from everything they've known.