... colors aren't colors and the air feels different when I am in this state. It feels stale. Almost like there is no air at all. Like leftover air. Here and there. Tiny puffs of clouds of oxygen that will soon dissipate. And it doesn't scare me. I don't care. I still prefer this to terror. As awful as this is. I can always sleep for days. Terror incapacitates you and takes away your ability to escape. You become a prisoner in your own body. You can't even trust your own senses. Heat might be cold and everything might be a delusion. I wonder if I will die in a fire one day because I believe it is sand or confetti or something. That would be a pleasant way to die. My last thoughts would be that I was on a beach enjoying myself in the sun or at a party with friends that I made up. I wouldn't mind terribly being totally insane. This half-way thing is a bit horrible. Watching myself be insane and being aware of it is kind of the worst thing that can happen to any human.

Hi, everyone. 

Not all members of the community

Are aware that they can anytime

 Call psychiatric services

On a person who

Has a history of attempted suicide.

The public probably wish

They could call that needle sticking team

On the sleazy man in the bar,

The angry neighbour who yells,

The junkie who says ‘Fuck off’,

The beggar who asks for change,

The boss who tells them they’re fired,

And the stranger who disses them.

Can they?

Well only if the person

Has had a psychiatric history.

Color Synaesthesia is a poem that I wrote for a class assignment. It was subsequently published in my college's student journal of art and literature. I hope you enjoy it...Sometimes I cry when I read it. :(

 Just a little passage/story that i wrote free verse... maybe its about me... maybe its not... i dont know, because i dont know which is me anymore.  But what i do know is they all like the medicated Emilie and i dont cry anymore... But what scares me is that maybe this is not me at all, and the truth will come out.... and they will run, and i will cry again...

  I made an animation based on a song I wrote called "Once You Die."

The animation is posted on Vimeo.com, under my name: Anne Beal, and the video title is "Once You Die."  

 here is the link ---> http://www.vimeo.com/7693425

It is about my experience with suicide.  I animated only 20 seconds of the song; you can listen to the whole song at www.myspace.com/annabelleallways . 

idk what to put here.  just read it...

p.s.  Forgive the spelling errors if any (I'm sure there are..)