Fear only has the power you give it.

However it can be hard when it comes instantly or when asleep.

A nightmare is fear yet you do wake which is to break out of fear.

Could tell him off

Could talk back

But something about him

Said to me

That if I did that

He’d make things worse

And get them

To do psycho surgery.

  I made an animation based on a song I wrote called "Once You Die."

The animation is posted on Vimeo.com, under my name: Anne Beal, and the video title is "Once You Die."  

 here is the link ---> http://www.vimeo.com/7693425

It is about my experience with suicide.  I animated only 20 seconds of the song; you can listen to the whole song at www.myspace.com/annabelleallways . 

I'm afraid of going to jail. And I don't want others to go to jail, either.

It has been over two months since I first learned I might be bipolar. Since then, I have emerged out of depression and its medications, and into the experience of bipolarity, and its medications. I wonder, what would have happened if I hadn't asked about bipolar disorder in that appointment with the doctor?

Although I have traveled far and wide in the world, sometimes in dangerous situations, I believe that travel to the inner world offers both the greatest risk and the greatest excitement. Writing Invisible Driving, my memoir of manic depression, (www.invisibledriving.com) - Amazon.com – demanded such a voyage, and it was no joyride. I began to see my flights into intense mania in a larger context of escape. Those of you who have played with narcotics know that even the hardest of them cannot lift the cape of mania for sheer adrenaline rush and feel good delirium. However, here on earth there are many pleasures that, if abused properly, can become intoxicants. Alcohol, drugs, sex, and even, as this excerpt reveals, music. No matter what the tool was, the goal remained fixed, (however unintentional its use). Escape self.

Funny- I never thought of anticipating how to escape the restrictions and fears I've put on myself. I guess I never imaged that internalized aspect of oppression. How terrifying for something unhealthy to be part of you! I've always had a thing about parasites- they are in you and not of you. "Get them off! Get them off!" yick.