Sitting at home, still on the couch, waiting for my mother to come home and make me miserable again. Not her fault, of course. But I'm already miserable just being here by myself.

Ugh, I wrote part of this post and then accidentally erased it because I'm a complete idiot. Woke up suddenly with a start, again. Some nightmare that I've forgotten now.

All of the last posts I've written have been in times where I just needed to get things out.

I was doing well. And then my mother came home. And we talked. I didn't want to, but we talked. Nothing mean, nothing unusual. But suddenly I felt like shit.

I want to die right now. Not in the depressive/suicidal nothing-will-ever-be-good-again sort of way. More just aching and wanting to not be conscious right now.

Lots of people have been giving me plenty of advice on how to treat my depression.

This is the kind of time when I start thinking about killing myself. Nothing looks good. I have no sex drive. I have a cut on my vagina. No, I don't know how that happened either.