It has been a minute since I wrote last...  I have to face myself.

I hate wanting things I can't have. Or even if I'm not sure if I can have them. I think my shrink has remarked on that and suggested that wanting things you're not sure if you can get is healthy.

Bipolar or just another brilliant mind with great potential numbed

 

After a year in england, every doctor i have seen has told me that it is unfortunate that i was raised in a drug based culture and they would like to, in time, see me taken off my medications. I have, unhappily, admitted defeat and decided to stop taking all of my medication. I have very little doubt this is a terrible idea but fighting for this is exhausting, emotionally taxing, and upsetting. I only hope that if I am right about myself and my mental state, they will reconsider this decision before it's too late. 

Contrary to every piece of advice i've ever given, my experience, and my past, i am stopping all my medication tonight(without having been directly instructed to do so). I lost the battle.