It all started with six months sober, and four months of a depression I can't even begin to explain. The walls crowding around me, my skin tearing from the tendens. A bash of rashing emotions, something I'd equal to a flash fload, only lasting months at a time and talking to you. Like, little devilish green men inside your brain telling you to off yourself for no "appearent" reason, except that it's really the only way. Fuck that. Logically I am intelligent, not always brilliant, whitty, well written, or even well put together.. But I can't care about those things in bouts like these.

Here's just some of the crazy shit the Administrator  (a.k.a. "Superfreak") wrote to me in response to my JOURNAL entries......plus 2 other notes from Assistant Administrators ("Scooby" and "Doo", who I really liked) who responded to my email cries of help to them, i.e. "Why is this freak after me?"

Well let’s see to begin with Christ was a soul brother so all the black hating so called Christians can get off the fucking bus at the next stop look at the part of the world he was from who the hell do they think he looked like, Basil Rathbone? Lawrence freakin’ Olivier? Leslie be a good fellow and pass the bleedin’ Rothmans Howard? Why can’t they get with the program he was olive skinned to begin with at the very least and spent most of his life outdoors soaking up the desert sun. How irritating when reality refuses to conform to prejudice. And of course Christ was a Jew, Christians are people who believe in the teachings of Christ, Christ, however, was of the Jewish persuasion, why am I the only person willing to point this out? So that means that all the anti-Semites are also invited to remove their misbegotten bottoms from the fucking bus. A person cannot be anti-Semitic and be a Christian at the same time, this is a square circle, a thing which cannot be, by definition. My mind understands great truths, truths which others either cannot see or refuse to see. My mind has all the answers, is there anything you need to know? Can you understand the painful weight of being wise when all of those around you are blind?

I am a queer lesbian.

I AM NOT ARMED!