So, since the hospital something has shifted for me. I am not feeling quite as depressed.

So it's probably not surprising that I was in the hospital last Tuesday. I haven't been in a good space at all.

In a bad space. Wish everyone would just go away. Hates life.

I made it to the doctor about 45 mins late. I just couldn't get myself up to tell you the truth.

Been feeling pretty suicidal lately. I know when I start feeling like I wish I was locked up again, that I have taken a turn for the worst.

I feel like my head is starting to spin. So much I have to get done before I leave for thanksgiving break and I can barely get things done without having to leave.

I choose people to love who don't have time for me.

Yesterday I decided...no more. No more longing for people who can't show up for me when I am in so much pain.

So...I decided to end therapy...again. It feels like chinese torture to me and I'm pretty sure I'll never learn how to trust.