Well...let's see. Things aren't quite as bad as they were, although therapy is not working out so well.

Well I finally got out of my house for something other than work. I was going to go do something with work friends and I couldn't because I got triggered at home. And was crying pretty hard.

So things are a little better now. I have gotten to a point where I have been able to control more the waves.

Well I think now I have been successful at alienating the few people in my life that actually do care about me. So now, I'm almost ready to die. I don't think I'll write a note. There's nothing left to say. Now I just have to get up the courage to do it. I'm not sure if it will ever happen or if I will just fade away like before. I guess only time will tell.

I am sitting on my couch shaking right now and tears are streaming down my cheeks. I  just sent an email to a friend of mine who said she was thinking of me.

I really wish I could die right now. Work wouldn't like that too much. But they can always find someone to replace me, it's not like I am irreplaceable.

Well I survived the suicidal feelings from last night and feel like I have climbed a mountain or something. It was exhausting and I am not exactly sure what to do.